sqrewloose

Odd but true: If you can't love someone, it's easier to be angry at the person.

They're totally opposite feelings, but it momentarily alleviates the pain. It works well especially in a public setting when you need to maintain composure and keep a straight face. However, not so well in a relaxed mode, especially when alone, or even worse when you are watching a movie which is meant to trigger your waterworks. What happens is your mind follows the storyline, but your heart replaces what you should feel (for the characters in the movie) with what you feel for yourself. The end-result is the same- tears stream down your face. But really, what are you crying about?

Every part of me seems to want to act opposite to what I should do... When unguarded, I find myself using every reason I can to replace sadness with anger. Something, someone to blame. But I know bitterness will get me nowhere, and I have to constantly pray that I will allow God to live in me... that I may act/speak/think in a manner that will be worthy of His grace. It's such a real struggle, and it weighs me down. I know I need to let go... I know I need to let God. But it's hard to forgive, when there is no remorse. Grace is what I received through the cross, a gift I did not deserve, Lord help me to extend grace.

View of the magnificent sunrise from the bus stop where I catch my bus in the morning.

My eyes are opened to see the beauty in Your creation.
Birds that chirp the morning song, or that slim ray of sunlight which streams through the blinds.
The rolling hills, one terrain hiding behind the other's shadow,
Shy,
Hiding behind the morning mist. 
Bursting brightness, casting a silhouette of the tall strong tree which battled the strong winds the night before.
I watch Magnolias go past me on the bus.
Little green shoots budding from well-rested winter branches.
Ah! The smell of spring in the air.
And the summer to come.

Thank you Lord! Good morning world!

sqrewloose

Today was a you-can't-beat-Wellington-on-a-good-day day. A much needed sleep-in (that's only if you consider getting up at 9am to be a sleep-in) was interrupted by the warm sun piercing through the curtains. I was torn between catching up on beauty sleep and jumping out of bed and getting out of the house to soak up as much of the sun as possible. That dilemma was solved when C texted to see if I wanted to go rollerblading by the wharf! We had to settle on gelato instead, as I had some errands to run. Catching up with C over Bon bon Rocher and Passionfruit gelato in the sun by the wharf was a great start to embracing the glorious day!

Then, I dropped by Briscoes and did some homeware shopping at Briscoes! I absolutely love browsing/ shopping for homeware. The main thought that goes through my mind is, "The colour's gotta match, the style's gotta match!" But being on a strict budget, I was pretty successful at only picking out things that I needed- a full length mirror, a baking dish, and tea towels! I trotted home happily with the heavily discounted purchases, only to walk past a garage sale. I absolutely love garage sales/school fairs and the like. So many lovely old stuff, that hold much memories for people who once owned it. I added to my purchases a glass jug for only $1, and a glass salad bowl for only $2!

K and I then headed out to Lyall Bay for a stroll on the beach, which provided us with many picturesque shots, her with a fancy digital SLR, and me with my toy camera We attempted a few artistic shots, and the best ones I caught are the macro shots of the jetty. 

Hot chocolate at Elements Cafe followed by a deep, meaningful and thought-provoking conversation with K about work, God and how that all fits with God's kingdom perspective ended with a challenge to go back to the Bible and read in context, and discover what are the heavenly treasures that were mentioned in the New T.

The cherry that topped the day was a satisfying Japanese dinner from Hede to celebrate F's birthday!

Thank you Lord for giving me the chance to live life to the fullest, according to Your good measures.

sqrewloose

So, two months have come and gone. The much-awaited trip back home was bittersweet. Might elaborate on that a bit later on, once I've processed things. In the mean time, it is good to be back in Wellington. There's a weird sense of familiarity. You would think that I would be familiar with this city, after all, I've been here for four and a half years. But there is a sense of newness, excitement and uncertainty as I watched the city go past on my shuttle ride into the city.

And since I'm back here, I'm allowed to talk about the weather. It's 8.4 C with a southerly gust. Cold enough for me thankyouverymuch!

Currently feeling: mixed feelings

sqrewloose

Life's pretty crazy right now. I have been living on the fast track for the last few weeks, and I don't foresee the use of any brakes until the plane I'm on is well on its way to my home country.

With the final target of my project in sight, my work hours reached a peak of 14 hours last Thursday. I changed gears and worked extra hard for the last few weeks as I wanted some sort of closure/results for my project, before I take 2 months off to go back to Malaysia. I can't testify that working long hours and weekends is a good thing, but the satisfaction of reactions (or experiments) working and being able to carry a starting material through so many steps, slowly but surely getting closer to the target compound makes the long hours and non-existent lunch hours worth it. (Note: Chocolate is great when you don't have time to eat and need a lot of energy!)

At the same time, I have also started "mini-supervising" a friend, a third year student with some work that she's doing in our lab, coordinated Chemistry helps sessions for first year students, mentored Maori and Pacific Island students via Awhina, packed and is still in the process of packing to move out of my flat, looked and is still looking for someone to take my room on Glenmore Street, and I have yet to start on writing that research proposal!

But I'm looking forward to the week to come, as things start to wrap up (hopefully), seeing that I am one and a half steps away from making a fluorescent compound! I'm looking forward to some catch-ups with dear friends before I leave... and my neurons are already pulsing with excitement as I brainstorm for to-do's when I'm back home. Satisfying my food cravings is definitely at the top of the list, but I am also determined to not let this holiday go to waste, and so.. I'll be bringing some homework back- some work-related stuff, some intentional reflection time and also some artsy-futzy hobbies which I have been wanting to get on to. Oh, and maybe some cooking and baking too!

Right, gotta get some sleep. Swine flu has hit New Zealand. And funnily enough, my biggest fear is not whether I will manage to make my final target, but rather if I drive myself sick on my way back, and happen to have flu-like symptoms at Malaysia's Immigration checkpoint... it'll be quite sad but also funny if I get quarantined in my own country! Gotta pile on the Vitamin C's!