sqrewloose

Work's been pretty crazy, more and more work gets piled on as the days go past this week. To think that I even had half a mind to apply for leave, just to have a break. Guess that won't be happening anytime soon. Maybe after the review paper is written.

But having said that, I thoroughly enjoy work. Even though the coupling reaction that I recently carried out gave me the opposite anomer to the one that I want, I somehow find myself enjoying it. Heck.. it means I have to go back and make more starting material, and try the coupling reaction a few more times, but oh well. The work environment that I am in makes a whole lot of difference. Lab mates who are optimistic (way more optimistic than I am) and smart, and supervisors who are passionate about chemistry makes what I do more a challenge than a dread. I can tell when my supervisor is excited about what I do, because he would come running into the lab, looking for me, asking me how my reaction went, whether the building blocks coupled, and whether I made the alpha or the beta product! And then I can tell he's REALLY excited when I go in for my individual meeting to present them with NMR data which I just got in the morning, only to find that M was so impatient to find out the results, he had already logged in and checked for my results!

Alright, enough about geeky work. Everything's going pretty fine here. Coping with the breakup is quite a challenge, and it came with more frustrations than I expected- some were with Dan, but most of them were internal issues that I have to wrestle with. I have come to realise that no one will really understand, and it is a journey that I have to go through on my own. I find myself clinging on to God's words and his plans for my life. I have no clue what it is...but it better be worth all the pain. Not to say that clinging on to God's words have been easy. Firstly, it's not very tangible. And secondly, my human brain is still struggling to understand what greater good God wants to bring out of this. But in the mean time, I will just have to go with the flow of life, embracing every aspect of it and being thankful for all the good things that I have.

sqrewloose

Hand in My Pocket
Alanis Morissette

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

----------------------------

I haven't really got it all figured out,

but everything's gonna be fine fine fine.

sqrewloose

The long Labour Weekend consisted of a mish-mash of happenings, lazy days spent lounging around the house was interspersed with catch up sessions with good friends whom I haven't been able to keep in touch with for a while. Ahhh.. good (sometimes even deep) conversations about life, relationships and things that matter to those of us with mutual interest really fires up the spirit. I'm looking forward to more of that as I'm only halfway through my long labour weekend!! Whoopee! Believe it or not, it's my first holiday since I got back to work in July, and a much needed one indeed. Guess that's what you get when you work in a lab where your supervisors do not observe weekends, much less public holidays!

But the washing machine has beeped, and my bathrobe is all soft-and-fluffy (cos I finally gave in and bought softener) PS: Ping I so understand how u feel about writing about the mundane things that are so important to you, and yet seem so trivial when put into words. So I'm going to sign off, hang my laundry, curl up in bed with the new Jamie Oliver Magazine and perhaps doze off!

Things to do for the rest of the holiday:

1) catch up with 3 other bunch of friends.
2) Bake 2 cakes, maybe.
3) Read some review articles.
4) Prepare for Catalyst bible study.
5) Make some trendy corsages from buttons and pretty fabric (they've been on my to-do-list for wayyy too long).
6) Do the laundry

sqrewloose

Odd but true: If you can't love someone, it's easier to be angry at the person.

They're totally opposite feelings, but it momentarily alleviates the pain. It works well especially in a public setting when you need to maintain composure and keep a straight face. However, not so well in a relaxed mode, especially when alone, or even worse when you are watching a movie which is meant to trigger your waterworks. What happens is your mind follows the storyline, but your heart replaces what you should feel (for the characters in the movie) with what you feel for yourself. The end-result is the same- tears stream down your face. But really, what are you crying about?

Every part of me seems to want to act opposite to what I should do... When unguarded, I find myself using every reason I can to replace sadness with anger. Something, someone to blame. But I know bitterness will get me nowhere, and I have to constantly pray that I will allow God to live in me... that I may act/speak/think in a manner that will be worthy of His grace. It's such a real struggle, and it weighs me down. I know I need to let go... I know I need to let God. But it's hard to forgive, when there is no remorse. Grace is what I received through the cross, a gift I did not deserve, Lord help me to extend grace.

View of the magnificent sunrise from the bus stop where I catch my bus in the morning.

My eyes are opened to see the beauty in Your creation.
Birds that chirp the morning song, or that slim ray of sunlight which streams through the blinds.
The rolling hills, one terrain hiding behind the other's shadow,
Shy,
Hiding behind the morning mist. 
Bursting brightness, casting a silhouette of the tall strong tree which battled the strong winds the night before.
I watch Magnolias go past me on the bus.
Little green shoots budding from well-rested winter branches.
Ah! The smell of spring in the air.
And the summer to come.

Thank you Lord! Good morning world!