sqrewloose

One down. The exam. Advanced topics in Chemistry. It went ok.. not the best.. but... nevermind. One more to go, one final exam for my life... ever! I'm serious! Because if I pursue a Masters /pHd, I wouldn't have to sit anymore exams!

Went for comfort food with Shalen. Kaffe Eis, THE gelato store. But I tried the affogato this time, and mmm mmm .. it was ohsoyummy! The bunch of us have been regular customers at that store, I swear the workers there can recognise us! All in the name of "study break". It's great.

We scaled the tree again. Left all my worries on the groud, and reach the top of the magnificient circular christmas to see the city come to light, while the sun fades into the night. It was fun, all of us perched on the soft and flat branches at the top of the tree. Some rekindled their childhood memories of tree-climbing, while others like me, were glad it wasn't too late to start climbing trees! What a  great way of exercising faith- on those branches.

sqrewloose

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be?

Funny, the question that was floating in my mind some 4 years ago, still pops up, more often these days, as I am at the start of a bridge (derived from "We'll cross the bridge when we get there"), again.

What will I do with, what I believe is a God-given passion in science and research? Probably the only thing I can do slightly better than my other "trades" as I increasingly feel I am really just a Jack Janice of all trades, masteress of none. Do I pack and go home, to a place where I know will be more uncomfortable in terms of my profession? Or do I pursue even higher education that will equip me to be the researcher that I ought to be? But what about life? What about serving God- and swimming out to those who have yet to see and feel His love? What about mission? Will I be doing marketplace mission, or will I abandon all that I have to live among people living in literal poverty or even figurative poverty? But with the passion and interest which resides in me, will I set up a biomedical firm here in NZ, in Malaysia, or anywhere in the world? Will I work with giant pharmaceutical companies to churn out research results that will save the diseased world? 

But all that is in the light of work. What about love? What about being with someone you love? What if work (that may be God-ordained so to speak) requires you to forgo being with people you love and cherish. Will you make that call, and find yourself at the top, with no one to share it with? I used to think it's too cliched and a little silly to be thinking in those terms. Blame it on the I'm going to make it in the world mentality that has somewhat seeped into our modern culture.

What about being a woman in the society? Are we deviating from our original role as a caretaker, lovegiver of a family unit, should we pursue a work lifestyle that requires X hrs of your day? But did not the wife in Proverbs 31 make curtains and sewed linen and sold it in the market place? What is the curtain/linen equivalent for our modern day, God-fearing woman? Is it wrong to have dreams which may, in some people's views cause you to have less time for a family, and hence make you less of a mother/wife?

Will I be someone? WIll I make the mark, and be who people believe me to be? Will I be who I think I'll be? And more importantly, the question is, will I be the woman that God wants me to be- loving Him, serving Him, honoring Him in all that I do?

To be honest, I hate uncertainties- I hate grey areas. I love it when something is right or wrong. No middle ground please!

What will I be?