sqrewloose

Down....

Down fast and hard...

with a cold/Flu

It's bad...

But I will survive.  

Jordan, one of my flatmates whom I get along with really well has returned to the US She played a very big part in keeping me sane and alive for the past 6 months of my Honours year. She does regular pulse checks

But it's ok, I'll learn to walk with my feet.

sqrewloose

I posted an entry last night.. But it's gone! I think i did click on the "post entry" button, or maybe I forgot to. But either way.... GAHHHHHhhhhh... *imaginarywhacksonlaptop*

Sharon, I share ur frustration!

sqrewloose

Only today I realised that going away from home, to study in a foreign place can be quite a daunting experience. Not only do you have to get used to the whole "living away from home" experience, you have to do it amongst people who do not share your culture, and do not go "aha" when you do/say certain things- some of which is very much a part of who you are, and how you have been brought up. For some it comes easier, whilst for others, they might have to work harder make a home out of a place miles away from home. A coping mechanism.. that's what it is. Coping with a new environment- conditioning yourself to a new habitat. I'm not sure for others, I was always conscious of embracing new experiences, and yet not letting go of the values that I bring with me. 

Looking back, I was fortunate to be placed in a fairly dynamic and active hall that had a constant flow of activities. It is definitely the best place for a first year to meet a whole lot of new friends. I was also fortunate enough to have come here with Jasmine, our room resembled home, not just temperature wise (yes, we did have our heater blasting all the time), but also because we both came from the same country, and we understood each other. And she was very tolerant of me. I don't think I would have liked being a roommate with myself. And of course, ICF played a very big part in helping me come to terms with what it means to follow Jesus in a geographic location that is different from where I first knew Him. This all made stepping into the foreign world much easier because I had a backup.

Looking back, I was also very blessed with friends, Malaysians and Kiwis, and a few Americans. I realise it is a struggle, being asian in a foreign place. Eventhough I wouldnt go to the extend of saying that people are discriminating here, occassionally you would still feel that you area treated in a different way from what a regular kiwi/westerner would be treated. I stil can't quite pin-point what it is.. maybe it's got to do with our skin colour? Or the way we talk? but definitely, your credibility increases many-fold if people realise that you speak english flluently. So, as a result of this "social issue", some manage to fit in, and are comfortable with people who do not come from the same country, whilst some others just stick to what they're comfortable with, and hang out with friends of the same cultural descent. I strongly believe that one should embrace the lifestyle  of where you are, (of course not compromising your principals) and not hide away with your little world of friends who come from the same country as you. Afterall, you don't fly miles away from home, only to be solely part of the Malaysian community. It's like Auckland (I hope no Aucklanders are reading this), it felt like a little asian town in a western setting. Don't get me wrong though, I love my Malaysian/ Asian friends that I have here, and many times, I feel very comfortable at home with them, I do not have to explain the way I think or the things I say. However, a wholesome overseas experience does not just come in the form of education, but also in your day to day interactions with others around you.

I am extremely grateful for my (ex) flatmates who were great fun to be around, and were about as kiwi as you can get.

Jas and I were just talking and around the topic of "moving" and making life-decisions, she said "I feel as if I've settled down here". It's true, only now, after 3 yrs, can I say that I feel comfortable here. Things seem easy now, but I remember the times when I found it such a struggle to understand and be understood. To fit in, and yet not change too much, that you are no longer yourself.

sqrewloose

STRONG WIND WARNING
TARANAKI TAUMARUNUI TAIHAPE WANGANUI MANAWATU WELLINGTON : Southeast winds rising to gale this evening, with severe gale gusts of 120 km/h likely in exposed places between 9pm Saturday and 2pm Sunday.

It's 6C... no biggie really, considering places that have sub-zero temperatures. But I can't remember feeling this cold! Maybe it's the wind here that makes it many times colder. NZ is backwards in some ways. Central heating is not a norm. Even though we've got central heating in my place, it is insanely expensive, so we only have it on about once every few weeks. And none of my flatmates are at home at the moment, so I can't justify turning the central heating on. My little oil heater is beginning to fail me

We're in the pits of winter at the moment!

Right, back to some immunology. Am looking forward to hanging out with ex-flatmates tonight, while watching the All Blacks vs Wallabies match!

sqrewloose

*sigh*

The Rhodes scholarship to study at Oxford, Woolf-Fischer scholarship to study at Oxford/Cambridge and a host of other scholarships have their closing date this Friday. At this rate, I don't think I will be applying for them. I don't know what to do... Part of me wants to run all the way, and give this a go. How amazing it'll  be to be studying in Cambridge/Oxford?! And according to a friend, it really isn't that hard. And I know I'll stand a chance. But another part of me is frozen, and does not know what to do! I don't think I'm ready to do my pHD. Should I leave NZ and go and do something else? Afterall, I'm young... and this is what people do when they're young. Though, part of me feels settled and really cant be bothered with moving, afterall, this is my OE.  And besides there are a lot of other issues to consider- my LDR with Dan is a major consideration and as the oldest in the family, I seem to feel the need to start churning money. Deep down, I need a sense of direction from here. Part of me wants to just plunge into what is seems to be the "charted" path for my field. It's so easy to do that... But part of me is reminded of what is important in life... The things that I need to get sorted. I'm so not ready to get into the next phase. I thought three years of undergrad came and went too fast- so I bargained for another year. And now, I'm more than halfway through that grace period. I guess my ineligiblity for the prestigious scholarships because I'm not a citizen/ PR of NZ makes the decision slightly easier- although, I'm sure if I am bothered to look, there are many other sources of scholarships.

I'm looking forward to the Chemistry conference in Dunedin, and the holiday that we'll be taking as a research group. I'm looking forward to mum's visit for my graduation. But beyond that... I don't know what's going to happen this summer, let alone next year! Do I stay and work? Do I sign up for a mission trip? Do I try to get a ticket to go home now? I badly want to, at least for the summer, but I'm not earning a single cent now. Unless I save enough money from the scholarships that I have now. Too many things to make decisions for... too little time!

But I am reminded that only in times of uncertainty, that I go on an adventure, provided I have faith in Him who is faithful.

And on a brighter note, I feel productive today! I set up 2 reactions, one of which decided to bubble rather vigorously. Bubbling is not normally a good sign, it means gas is being evolved (my mind drifted to the swimming pool for a moment... haha!), and if it's H2, or O2 it's normally bad. PLus, the last time something bubbled in my lab, it exploded and sent shards of glass flying to every corner of the brand new lab, and don't even ask about the hole in the metal ceiling.

Ohh.. and I successfully made baked lemon cheesecake over the weekend, thanks to Euodia's recipe. This time, I remembered to add the cream to the reaction mixture.  And James made the perfect cream to go with it.

Right. Lets tackle some immunology for the test tomorrow!