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I'm looking twice as alive as I actually am thanks to Body Shops' eye cream- and I suspect that it will be my elixir for the rest of the year considering how much sleep I actually get.

I'm sick. And I have a presentation tomorrow. Is this ever gonna end? It just started. I need to enjoy this, or I'll never get through this year.

Rachelle Bass was interviewed by Coach today during our church service and she was sharing her story about how she coped with complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS). Cope wouldn't even be the right word to use in the light of what she went through and how she dealt with it.

"Complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS) is a chronic (long-term) disorder of the nervous system. It is a collection of signs and symptoms typically including pain of a burning type, changes in skin and bone tissue, excessive sweating (hyperhidrosis), swelling of an extremity, and extreme sensitivity to touch." -Southern cross health insurance-

 She was radiant, tall, long auburn hair cascading down her shoulders, a pretty coat, a stunning smile and a natural sense of humour. She used to be a model. It took a while for me to believe that beyond her genuinely beautiful exterior, she had gone through a whole lot of hell. And it is not a hyperbole, I meant it literally.

She was first struck with what seemed to be fibromyalgia when she fell down a flight of stairs while she was carrying her baby in her arms. It was downhill from there for a good 18 yrs (i think). She frequently convulsed, and the pain which started from her ankle, slowly spread to other parts of her body, including her internal organs. It was in her gut, esophagus, and she was at stage 4 of CRPS.

She shared about how she struggled with God, and told him she had every reason to give up on Him especially since she previously had received abuse from Christians. But she decided that she keep holding on to Jesus, and believe in what the Bible said. She shared about how she could be fine one minute, and in the next minute she would be on rolling around on the floor convulsing, and in excruciating pain. There were times when she would be semi conscious for 3 days, in pain.

CRPS was scaled 41 on the Mcgill's Pain Index, 0 being no pain at all, and 50 being pain that can cause death. Childbirth is around 25, pain from cancer between 20-27.

 So, after almost 2 decades, she was healed- miraculously. The pain left her body after being prayed for (obviously not the first time she was being prayed for). From barely being able to walk without her crutches, she ran around her church auditorium twice. She was so high after being healed, that when her pastor asked her to share it on the stage, she staggered up the stairs feeling the same as when she was drunk in her younger years. And the first words she spoke were, "Hallelujah, I am drunk!" The pastor quickly took the mic from her and explained that she was drunk in the spirit, which she was.

 But Rachelle did not just share about the pain that she went through. She did not just contrast the pain that she suffered from with the miracle that she received at the end. She shared about the many nights that she stayed awake, weeping, wrestling with God about why she deserved that. She demanded for answers from God. She learnt obedience. She had faith in God that He would heal her, but she also knew that she might not be healed and that the ultimate healing was if she died and went to heaven. I could hear from her voice that back then, she probably rather have died than suffer the condition. She was very real. She feared that her physical condition will break down her marriage. She feared that her daughters would hate her for not being there for them.

 She shared about her encounter with satan and demons flying around in her room, solid as humans. This was after she had the miraculous healing. She shared in detail how satan tormented her with words, and tried touching her face. But she had put on the armour of God before she went to bed- the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, her feet fitted with readiness from the gospel, the shield of faith. And she's hillarious I tell you, she said, "This was when all the bible verses that I have been meditating on when I was confined in bed came in handy. He was not able to touch me because I had the word of God. But I was stupid, I forgot to tell him to go away".

She also shared about her conversations with God and it was evident that her relationship with God was very real. She shared about the one time when she had an "out of body experience". Away from her body, she saw the nurses put on oxygen masks on her. She was with God at that moment, and she pleaded to stay with him, but He showed her her husband and two daughters weeping. And she recounted with great humour that she felt bad for her family, but turned to God again and said "but please can I stay"! But he told her it was not time. 

She looked comfortable in her skin while she was on stage sharing. And i realised that the radiance that she had came from the many years of physical, mental and spiritual suffering that she went through. It was not the outcome of her condition which captured my attention, and I believe the attention of the many in my church today. It was her approach, her journey, her outlook which was very much Jesus-focussed.

This sharing came as a timely encouragement and challenge to me even as I go through a lil rocky patch of my own, of course mine is an anthill compared to her mountain. The struggle that I have is mainly mentally- associated, it's all in the head as some would say. And it has affected my lifestyle, my outlook, and my relationship with others. It has affected my uni-work, and at times it feels as if all's crumbling to pieces. Every little thing gets me emotional and stressed out, but I am dealing with it, with much love from those around me. And deep inside, I know this is a storm that I have to walk through with God. I cannot ignore it, I cannot brush it aside. I have stick my chin up and keep pressing on. I must make the choice to follow him and make the most of this process so that I may learn and be made stronger.

"But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold" Job 23:10

I look forward to that day, but at the moment, I am just brittle glass.

ps: I know, I know. Silicon dioxide will never turn into aurum for the life of me. It's just a metaphor.

Alright, so today I was silly. Had yummy delicious chili padi with soy sauce, Asian style, with my meal.. and decided that it was a good idea to rub my eyes with my fingers, which I used to remove the chili seeds. Then I thought it'll be smart to wash my eyes with water, using my hands- which made it worse, cos my hands still had chili fumes on them- Duh! My stupidity stopped short of removing my contact lens with my fingers! In no time, I felt like Phantom- the left side of my face was burning! Then Jordan suggested that I use a slice of bread to "soak up" the chili. A slice of bread over my face certainly didnt look right- luckily I managed to escape a snapshot from Andrew's iPhone. Elaine came to the rescue- she poured water down my face and eventually it went away.

 So, my picture for the day would be this: