Decisions decisions! Choices! they must be made with much care and wisdom. I have so many decisions I have to make at this point in my life. On one hand I wish I could just run and hide away from all these decisions which at this point seem as if it will determine my future. But then again, does it matter what my future seems like? Am I being too perfectionist in my plans? Am I thinking ahead too much? Nonetheless, the adventurous side of me is excited about what lays ahead, beyond this summer. And I am even more excited to see where God will steer me this time. It feels as if I'm back to how it was 3 yrs ago, when I did not have a clue as to what I was going to do after college. I remember the countless moments when I wondered what I would be doing, where I would be 10 yrs down the road! So now, after 30% of 10 yrs, it feels as if I'm back at square one in terms of decisions. But no, I will not forget the Giver who has given me my heart's desires- to study abroad. I had this perception that after my undergraduate degree, it'll be easier to secure funding for postgraduate study. But now when I'm about to cross the bridge, I discover that funding for Honours is quite scarce.

 I really want to do my Honours here in Vic as I feel that the Honours programme here provides great continuity to what I have been learning for the past three years. I have spoken to lecturers and I know who I want to work with if I do my Honours here. He's even agreed to take me in as an Honours student. But the freaking tuition fees for international students is 4.7 times of the domestic fees!!!!!!! With the money that I would have to pay for a year, I can easily fund 4.7 domestic students for that year! I can apply for scholarships, but even if I secure them, I still end up with over NZ$17 000 to pay for tuition fees. And what about living expenses? My parents were very gracious and decided that they would support me for another year of Honours, but I really dont feel it's right that I incur another ~RM60 000!! It ridiculous! And I need to consider my sister who is currently at college too.

Or, I could get a job here in NZ, save enough and go back to do a year of Honours. But it;s just one more year of Honours really!

I emailed my ex-supervisor from ANU and he was keen to take me on as an Honours student. But the tuition fees for an Honours year in ANU is also ~$23 000! Nonetheless, they offer more scholarships. He said that I could count on a $10 K schship, or a 50 % tuition fees waiver, which is probably more than what Vic can offer, if I get it. It's a pity that he is not allowed to  offer more support for Honours students. But I don't know if I really want to uproot and move just for 10-11 months of Honours. Plus, an Honours year is meant to be tough, so I don't want to have to worry about other things.

All of you who have parents who are capable of supporting you through your study be it locally or overseas, please be eternally grateful. You do not realise what a blessing it is, until you think about what it would be like if that privilege is taken away. Don't get me wrong, never once did I resent my parents for not being better off. They have provided me with more than what I ask for. I was never short of what I needed/wanted. In fact as Asian students, we are better off than a lot of our 'Western friends, who have to take out a student loan and work for their own allowances over summer.

Ok... I've been deliberating this for wayy too long, and I really need to concentrate on my assignments, tests and upcoming exams too. Gahhh.. 

But in the midst of all this, I have a quiet determination in me to please God in whatever I do. It really doesnt matter what I do, or where I study my Honours, or if I have enough funding, or where I end up in the future, what kind of job I get, whether I get paid well or not, because at the end of it these things are temporary. They do not satisfy. It does not define life, not especially life of one who longs to love God and live to glorify Him. So, God, have your will in me... whatever pleases you and puts a smile on your face.

We LOST! gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............. I'm mourning, it cuts so deep. We LOST in stupid quarter finals, to the French! So many upsets in this world cup! Don't be surprised if Fiji wins the cup! The only thing that consoles me is that the Wallabies were beaten by the Poms too. I thought I was going to gloat to Dan about the Aussies predicament, I guess I can't now.

It is bleak.. matches the mood so perfectly. Ahhh.. and only my flatmates will understand why we so want to beat the French!

I guess it'l be another four years!

Leesha pacified me by singing Michael Buble's Wonderful Tonight for me in the car. I want Michael Buble's new album, Call Me Irresponsible. Anyone feel like doing some charity?

*letsoutahugesighofrelief*

My second all-nighter for my very last assignment  for BBMedSc! It was worth it, i think.. thought I would give it my best shot, though there were really too many tests/asgmts the span of one week. Then I enjoyed myself pottering around the kitchen, preparing dinner. Belacan roast drumsticks, with vege stirfry, fried egg and rice!  Reminded me so much of a humble meal at home with my family! And I have decided, if I ever crumb something, I will always use the oven, easy-peasy and no mess at all!

Spent sometime catching up with Dan... and goofed around .. and now its time for some moi moi.

When encountering stress, you go through 3 stages:

Alarm/Stress ---> Resistance ---> Exhaustion

I'm running on adrenaline at the moment, i really hope i dont crash cos i have exams next week!

Till then peeps! Good luck to those having exams! 

I got the summer position at IRL (Industrial Research Limited) and will be involved in the Carbohydrate Chemistry team!! Wooohoo!! Hopefully I will be exposed more towards the drug development stages rather than just synthesizing organic compounds. Nonetheless, I'm very happy and grateful to God!

In fact, he has been more than just "good".

You see I applied to Malaghan Institute of Med Research as well, and went in to have a chat with one of the people there. It turned out that the contact persons at MMIR and IRL know each other, and they actually communicate to make sure they won't both offer summer positions to the same person. And so, the lady at MMIR told me, you will definitely get one or the other. Sweet! But while talking to them today, I also managed to ask them about Honours and they were telling me the options that were available with them. And we came to the conclusion that they can't give me a whole chunk of money, and the only way they can support is by offering me a job as a research officer next year, while doing my honours. And even so, they have to consider their other Hnours students and give them jobs as well to be fair.

So then, the person from MMIR chatted with the person from IRL, and they decided that there might be an opportunity for funding in IRL, and would be better off if I do my summer with them- so I will stand a better chance at the application.

I have always disliked having to play PR, and the whole "networking" and "contacts" business is not really my thing. But I will never live to say that I do not need it at all. But I guess I already have established "connections" with the most important contact, and it is only His favour that I deem precious.

Lord, keep me humble as you bless me with these achievements. May these achievements reflect your grace and your glory.

I'm so excited to go home too! They have been gracious at IRL and granted me about 3 weeks of break over the Christmas and New Year period! If all goes well and my flights get confirmed (im still on the the waitlist since forever!) I'm be home 21 Dec - 15 Jan! I miss home.. and I can't wait to spend quality time with my family.. and my dear friends, and my cheeky boyfriend.

 

Ok, I've been too lazy to bother about my comment box, but it's annoying me now. How do I edit it? I'm totally HTML illiterate! I can't seem to get the font to change to white.

ps: are u guys using the new control panel or the old one?

I hate myself for procrastinating! I have my last exam for my degree on Sat- Pharmacology. But I didnt get any study done today! I need to smack myself! Instead, I go upstairs, chat with my flatmates, watch tv and have ice cream instead! Though, study can't really compare with ice cream and friends. They win hands down. And my justification is I just had an exam today.

Ping, I found out that Dan is going to Kentucky. 

 

Just ^{_{a bit}} more... Just a little bit.. A teeny weeny bit more.. and i'l be done. But in the mean time.. I have gazillions of information to cram into this saturated brain. The neurons.. I can see it firing away.. trying to keep with the pace.. it gets misfired once in a while I reckon. Information gets misplaced. Sometimes, my amygdala gets triggered instead, and fear overwhelms me. Fight or flight? Flight from my chair to under my sheets seems more appealing, but I must fight, surely. It is the last lap. Motivation from above and within is what I need too keep me surviving under this anaerobic condition. Too many books, too many papers.. too many trees down.. too many words that mean too much. Too little oxygen.

Ok, now that I've allowed my neurons to misfire.. I better hit the books again!