whao! God's word simply blows my mind. ANd His real-ness blows my mind even more! The message Ps.(??) T.T. Quah spoke about at youth today was a blast! It just totally spoke to me, and im sure it did, to many others who were there.

Cool Christianity.

Hmm..never really used this adjective for Christianity. But,, seriously, if we sit down to think, it is indeed, cool! Like T.T. Quah said, a man walking on water, God parting the sea, and many more unthinkable miracles performed. It most certainly would have been described as "cool" if it were to happen at present time.

Nevertheless, Jesus doesnt perform miracles to impress or impose on others the image He wants for Himself. He merely desired to be different, and we, too, as humans, are given that special desire to be different, be it in our familes, school, college, church, or even to our peers.

And being different for Christ is so exciting, challenging, and sometimes, thrilling! nevertheless, it's never easy! And, living for 18+ years, i've come to find it harder and harder to live like how Jesus would. Yeah, we know the facts and all, do good, be kind, turn the other cheek when you're slapped, love your enemy, or rather, love those less-lovables, forgive, and a whole lot more. Boy! It's not easy at all. And, it takes commitment. and it costs! To some, it may cost us our time, effort, pride, but, to some others, it may cost more. Our arms, our lives, maybe.

1. Committing my life to Jesus.
2. Committing my life to reflect Jesus' life.
3. Commiting my life to the change God's doing in my life.

Somehow, there was this stirring in me. That surge of commitiment, from my Spirit, that i want to just commit my life to His ways. Well, im still at a crossroad now, and time's forcing me to pick a turn, which might determine the whole course of my life! Yeah, it's the typical dilemma, "what am i gonna pursue in the area of my studies". and not only that, the thing that's really burdening me now is the very fact that i may not be able to do what i desire, due to lack of resources ( $$$ and also brains..ahahha..). But deep inside me, the dilemma goes beyond that. I guess im still trying to search what God wants me to do. And, sometimes, i have to admit that i "see no road"(in hokkien : khua bo lor..=)) But somehow, there's this tugging in me that God is gonna do something in my life. Well, i dunno what, but somehow, i feel that it's gonna be something great, something that glorifies Him. Probably something that i may not even think of in a hundred years!

There's just this determination in me that i want to live this life that i have for Jesus. I want to go where he wants me to. I want to make the difference for Him. I just want to totally surrender myself to Him. To die to myself so He may increase in me. Even as i write this, im feeling so excited. Looking forward to seeing what he has in store for me. But then again, of course it has to be at His timing, and i'll have to be still.

Anyway, when Ps. TT opened the altar, for us to respond to God's calling for us to be commited to Him, i immediately went in front. There was no hesitation. And, this is one of the few times when i dont think twice about stepping in front. I kept crying, and it was a cry for God to use me. For His will to be done through me. For His power to be released through me as i change to become more like Jesus.



Jesus,I thank you for being so real to me. And as you died for me so that i may be set free, i want to live to serve you, all my life.


Your friends are not interested in your relationship with Jesus, they're interested in our resmblance of Jesus

God is so good, and i want to praise Him all the days of my life!

just got back from college. Am very sleepy now, tired and exhausted. Well, not that it was a very busy day, but somehow, i guess i havnt been getting enough sleep. Well, in fact, i never do. But somehow i do mange to survive.

Anyways, there's so much to be done, and there's so much on my mind now!
chup, let me sort my to-do-s here:

1. uni application- overseas (only with schship)
- local (imu, ucsi, SIT)
-argghh,..i duno how 2 write my Personal statement, or watever you call it!

2. college hw - English Lit. essay
- math hw

3. study
- physics (really really have to pia..grades havnt been too satisfactory..well, at least to me lah..and my parents arent too happy about it)
- chemistry
- and, oh well, i guess everyoth subject lah!
-I so must do well for my finals man! or else, hmm...life would be harder and more stressful.

4. cf board - have to fill it up..something i've been meaning to do since God knows when..but never got around doing it.

5. youth - new comers proposal

6. PROM!! argghh..dunno what to wear..and i seriously hope i'l b able to find a decent dress of a reasonable price! and im crossing my fingers that mum would give me enough money for all the prom expenses! (hair, shoe, accessories, dress, ...oh boy, sometimes, i just wish tat i was not a girl )

7. IELTS exams this saturday, and i havent started on anything!

Oh well, i guess it always helps to list things down and prioritise my time.

my monday started off averagely. Monday Blues. But I was asking God to give me his joy and peace, and well, he must have done so. And, half a mondy is already over, and it wasnt too bad after all..

gona zzz..

Currently reading: piercing the darkness

It's been long since i updated my thoughts here. This week hasnt been really a breeze. It has been quite stressful in fact. Not physically, but mentally...and my will power and self esteem is kinda low at this point. Ok, first, there's my8 studies to worry about. Yeah sure, i remember complaining, at the start of the year that HSC is kinda easy, in fact, much easier than SPM. But then, hmm..well, i guess i just kinda "let-go-ed" too much..and now, the consequences, have to pia...Hmm...another month or so before my finals, and no, i cannot afford to slack. Yeah, i am in coll already, and it doesnt matter if i dont do as well and etc etc...but! This is gonna determine my future man! hmm...I;ve so gotta get my momentum back. I remember saying that i wont let my momentum slow down after my trials..but...hmm..i guess this always happens..and then, all the pressure builds up all over again! Yeah, JaNICE, you sure learn
our lessons well!

hmm...I MUST CUT DOWN ON MY ACTIVITIES!! i know it's a lil too late..but...BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!! urrgghh...

ok, enough of those stressfull thoughts...

on a lighter note...Im having cf later...and YOke Yee will be doing bible study, then we'll be playing captain ball after that. So, i guess, that would be my dose of stress relieve for the week..

ok, gotta go for prayer now..

13 Sept 2004 (9.03pm-Monday)

Yes Lord,

In darkness I praise Your name
In my lostlessness my heart still praises You
In my weakness, I thank You for who You are
In my weak-spiritness, I know You are my tower
Jesus, My Counsellor, my Redeemer, my Friend
I fix my eyes on You, Jesus.
And refuse to be shaken by the storms around me
Instead, I choose to walk in Your path
So that I may come out pure as gold
As if just out of the Refiner’s fire
It hurts, it’s searing, it cuts deep into my bones,
And even further into my soul, but I know the pain is only temporary
I will one day come out a thousand times stronger and more beautiful
And as I face this day of adversity, give me patience, Lord
Strengthen this will of mine, to remain in Your commands
As I stand the heat and the pressure, help me to look beyond this,
To look towards the ultimate goal You have for me at the end of the tunnel
Lord, increase my faith, may You increase in me.

Well, i'm submitting this outdated entry cos i felt that this somehow may be able to bless the ppl out there. THis was written when i felt everything around me was crumbling down. But as God has been working in me, I began to realise that I must learn to praise Him despite the mess im in. It's hard. And im still learning. It's hard to feel that joy in you when you dont even feel like smiling. But i know joy comes from wthin us, and this can only happen with His help. Hmm...I;ve been learning so much this past one month or so. And i can tell you, God's doing something great. Though i have to constantly renew my mind daily.

Today

Hmm..wasnt such a good start for the week. I fell sick yesterday and came down with quit bad cramps. Well, blame it on the stress. No..let me rephrase it, blame it on my poor stress-management. But, Im recovering. Approximately four more weeks to finals. I've so gotta "pia" man!! I must do it!

On the lighter side, im kinda looking forward to the Prom this Saturday. Got all my stuff d. Hmm. Love my dress.

Prom's tomorrow...Im excited. You bet i am. Looking forward to it. =) But there's so much to do. Have to get my hair done, get make up and ultimately, have to look nice. Ahahha...but i guess dressing up is always fun for a girl. No denying about that. Dan' s gonna fetch me there, and back. Thank GOd there's transport. Can you imagine driving to the prom in your super high heels, and with your hair all done up?

ok, there's this really freaky French guy who's using the comp next to me now. Im so freaked out! arrgghh...btw, im in the library now.

should i bring a camera to the prom? Not a digicam though..but it'll b a lil trouble some cos i'll have to lugg it along. Hmm..ok, it's not v heavy, but still, it's v "ma fan"...aiyah, see first lah.

All my frens are staying over at the hotel after the prom. But, well, i didnt really ask my mum. But with all the scoldings i've been getting, i'd better not even think of it! I've gotta at least look hardworking in front of my parents, just so that they'l spare me all those long lectures.

Currently feeling: happy cos it's friday!

should i bring a camera??..ish ish...how i wish i have a digi cam!! my camera phone is good, but cant transfer them to the comp wan, so..it does not make much difference. Ohwell, not that i cant transfer them, it's just that i havent figured out how. Havnt got the program in my phone.

Yeah!! gonna set my hair at 4pm 2morrow. That should take about 1/2 hour - 45 mins..then get home by five. "ch'ng" and i'll be all set! oh, that reminds me i've gotta go get lipstick. Hmm...this is fun! doubt if i'll be able to do any studying tomorrow.

Just came back frm cell group. We watched the Chua Jui Ming's testimony about how he turned around frm being a backslidden Methodist, to a born again, Spirit-filled Christian. Well, for those of you who didnt know, he was left out frm the cabinet (or smth liddat lah..ahahha..politics is not my thing) in the recent reshuffle. But, that is only part of what God was doing in His life. And the kidnap of his son, which was all over the front pages of the papers a month ago or so, was the climax of his testimony. I think that's when he decides to share his testimony to churches and the community. All of you, if possible should try to get hold of his testimony, either on VCD or Audio CD. Something not to be missed! SOmething great awaits this nation!

I learned to play "When you say nothing at all" on the guitar just now. Deb thought me. Was quite fun, but i bet you i'll forget it the next time i get to hold a guitar. The only chord im very familiar with is G. well, anyway....

ohya, btw, just posted some new pics taken when Sue Lynn was back last month. It's under the "86'ers" album.